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9/01/2006

Faith

I have quite a good life so far. By that I mean that I have never encounter much hardship or face any life threatening situation. There may be some hiccup here and there but so far life have been quite good to me. I have never thought much about future and have been possitive with whatever happen around me.



Fig. 1 My darling Wallace

Yet things change with what happened recently, I am not the one directly affected but it still influence me a great deal. During my wife's labour on my second child Wallace, I saw death in the face. It suddenly strikes me that I cannot take things for granted and there is always a possibility that I might lose something dear to me.

I believe in Buddha and I am a Buddhist. All these while I have thought that it would be easy for me to "let go" since I have learnt much about Buddhism. Yet this event told me that I have not yet met the criteria as a true Buddhist. I am still much attached to this world. What if I lost both my wife and child in the process? Am I strong enough to face reality.

For the moment in the delivery room, I was at a total loss. It was as if my spirit left my body and not knowing what to do. I have accepted Buddhism as my faith when I was 20, yet I did little practising my faith, I depended on my " intelligent" to understand and did little to truly move towards wisdom.This incident seems to be a wakeup call for me. As a human, I am still weak spiritually and I am easily influence by my environment. It is high time for me to re-enter my faith and improve myself.

I just wonder if Wallace ( name of my baby ) is a sign given to me by the Buddhisavas, to tell me that it is time for me to continue my journey into Buddhism. At least I know very well at it is indeed a miracle that both my wide and kid turned out fine from the incident. What happened in the labour room has very high chance of meeting death and even if the persons survived, there would be permanant damages, yet this did not happen on my wife and so far my child has not shown any symptom of defect. My prayer is answered and it is time I fulfill my part of the bargain.

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